Tuesday, November 12, 2019

When you gotta go!

If you are queasy, stay home because you will find every kind of lavatorial arrangement in the course of your holiday abroad. In many Middle East, Far East, Asian and African countries, a squat-and-aim hole in the ground suffices. This makes good sense in a germ-free way. Your derriere will not make contact where others have been before.

Goatly encounters

Michael Gebicki comes off second best in an encounter with a goat in India’s green Kumaon region, which squeezes itself into the hindquarters of Tibet.

Hasta la bistro

For others like myself who find foreign menus harder to follow than a Gauteng taxi evading the Metro cops, you'd better get used to adventure ordering, as Google Translate can be unreliable.

Hollywood in 48 Hours

Buzzing through Hollywood & Highland, Los Angeles, CA, USA
Life for me is always… a mad rush.  I travel hard. I run fast. Always in heels. So when a sudden opportunity came up to jet over to Hollywood for the premiere of “Judy” starring Renée Zellweger, I grabbed my little suitcase and off I flew.

Clock shock

We shared this semi-detached abode with our 60-something Finnish landlady who walked around in her bra, as is the summer custom. Indeed, I saw more Swedes in their underwear – business is clearly brisk for tattoo artists – than decent restaurants. It’s a great social leveler.

Fragrant Theft

By the time the official has unearthed to the passing public’s prurient gaze, the gussets of your unwashed knickers, your extra control compression girdle (with derriere lift) and held aloft –“What ees thees?” – the vibrating hand your husband got you in Copenhagen for your stiff neck, your dignity will be dust

Mind over water

Our thoughts matter and absolutely affect the atmosphere. Let us be grateful for the abundance of nature. Our gratitude for this abundance can indeed guide us toward a better use of our life-giving resources, and creating industries that produce what we need in abundance without pollution.

Sails and Marketing

Traditionally, ruling the waves has meant waiving the rules.  Ship owners in wealthy maritime nations have registered their vessels in countries with no minimum wages, labour standards, corporate taxes, or environmental regulations; in short, every corporation’s dream.

Naval Gazing

Despite the Hollywood hype, piranha only devour dead flesh. Should you fall into the Amazon River, a tour guide from Den Blå Planet in Copenhagen advises flailing about to let these aquatic scavengers know you’re alive.

Winging it in Club World

I’m more of a pettifogger than a slobber-blogger, given to fault-finding and spin reversing many a spellbinding PR tale. I’m usually the witch sprinkling sneezing powder over the fairy dust but it’s hard to find fault with something you love

Flying down the sharp end

Last year I decided that my advancing years meant that I should pay more attention to the adverts on the radio and upgrade to First Class. I rationalized the extra cost with the fact that I had very few accommodation costs in the UK,  had no children to support and that I bloody well deserved it.

Three chairs for Arne!

Designed for Copenhagen's Hotel Royal. which opened in 1960, Arne Jacobsen's Egg Chair cracked the nod in homes, offices, clubs and airports around the world, starring in several Hollywood movies and cradling the buttocks of the rich and famous.

Limping down memory lane

When Carol Lazar used to attend business conferences, she'd only take one pair of formal shoes. In New York, while dressing for a morning session, she discovered the heels of her shoes didn’t match. One was high, the other low ...

Ahoy Polloi!

The service left something to be desired. While clearing away my plate, the waiter spotted a speck of food on the less-than-pristine tablecloth and commented: “You eat like a peeg!”

You can’t be Sirius!

Mistaking my hesitation for shyness, he hauls me to my feet and propels me to a quiet spot away from the group, the better to bend my ear.“Know how to find Alpha and Beta Centauri?” he asks. Who cares? I'd much rather find a G&T!

Hotel hacks

Laundry is another bugbear for the corporate backpacker. Most contracts or company travel policies stipulate the “incidentals are for your own account”. My shirts cost less than what they charge to launder one in most hotels, and for prolonged stays you see the costs mounting.

Luxury on board

From my bed I'd watch a Bloody Mary sunrise fortifying the day, then set off for breakfast at Terrace Café, followed by a cookery class, where I learnt to make scones and  a frittata. I believe I can fry!

Floating City

Despite the daily invasion of tourists that flood Venice, many districts retain their village sensitivities with butchers and bakers rather than the ubiquitous Venetian mask and glass shops, but even at peak visitor times, you’re never more than a bridge and an alley away from more secluded squares, 16th century Gothic palaces and wine bars

Changing face of London

Following the Dunblane Primary School massacre (where tennis star Andy Murray first attended classes) handguns in Britain were declared illegal in 1996. The knife is now the choice of weapon and these are freely available from any supermarket.

A kiss too far

Publicist Tilly Smith Dix finds herself between a rock and a hard place when a travel editor at her client's five-star hotel chooses to insult the establishment's hostess.

Dust, blood, and blisters

Every now and again my elephant would detour into the vegetation and snack on a small tree. Bits of jungle would tumble into my lap, sometimes with spiders still attached.